Fears

collageWhat fears  (large or small) are lurking under the surface of your life and draining your energy?  Sometimes fears are like a drip in the background.  You can tune them out  but they’re really always there.

Could the thing you keep procrastinating around be holding you back in other areas of your life as well?  If you answered yes and you know what the fears are that are holding you back, why don’t you just put those activities first on your to do list and be done with it?

Well, it’s our fears. It sounds so simple and yet fears can be so deeply seated in our lives that we may have no idea how to even define them.  Frequently our fears were learned when we were young children.

We observed, listened to and felt the emotions of those around us and decided we didn’t want to ever be in that situation.  We then generalized that decision.  Our unconscious mind keeps looking for scary situations that fit our generalization and tries to protect us from that experience in the future.

So what can we do about the fears?  First, let’s bring them into the light.  Fears are often at their strongest in the middle of the night.  You know how you can lay awake for hours worrying about things and then the next morning you wonder why those thoughts cost you 2 hours of sleep?

Well, let’s turn the lights on (both literally and figuratively) and write them down.  When they remain buried, our fears can be like a boulder rolling down a hill, gaining speed.  When we write them down, we have a chance to look them in the eye.  Thank your unconscious mind for trying to protect you and remind yourself that you have skills now to guide yourself through the process of problem solving that you didn’t have when you formed this fear as a girl.

After writing them down, place your hands on your face and take a few deep slow breaths.  Put a gentle smile on your face.  From that calm place, express your gratitude for something that is currently going great in your life.

I empower my clients with tools to disarm their fears so that they can move forward in building an even better life after their divorce.

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